You walk into a gathering and something shifts inside you. Your posture adjusts. Your facial expressions become more deliberate. You find yourself mentally rehearsing what to say next while simultaneously analyzing whether your responses seem natural enough. By the time you leave, exhaustion washes over you—not from the socializing itself, but from the invisible work of appearing like you belong.

If this experience resonates with you, you may be engaging in something researchers call camouflaging. This adaptive phenomenon affects many neurodivergent people, including those with autism, ADHD, and other neurological differences. The effort of blending in can take a significant toll—but the story doesn't end there.

Understanding camouflaging creates opportunities for conscious choice rather than automatic response. This awareness isn't about eliminating all adaptation or unmasking in every situation. Instead, it's about developing the self-knowledge to decide when camouflaging serves your wellbeing and when it depletes you.

Understanding Camouflaging

Camouflaging describes the conscious or unconscious work of adapting behavior to navigate social expectations. This phenomenon involves developing strategies to move through social situations, often by adjusting natural traits and learning neurotypical patterns. Many people engage in camouflaging without realizing it—the strategies become so ingrained they feel like a natural part of existing in the world.

Research by Laura Hull and colleagues identified three core components of camouflaging: compensation, masking, and assimilation. These three aspects work together to create what can feel like a performance. Understanding each component helps illuminate the specific ways your nervous system may have learned to adapt.

The development of camouflaging often begins early in life. When children receive negative responses to their natural behaviors—whether through explicit discipline or subtle social rejection—they may learn to adjust their authentic traits as a survival mechanism. Over time, this adaptation becomes automatic, woven into how someone experiences and responds to the world.

The Science Behind Camouflaging

Research shows chronic, unconscious camouflaging correlates with increased rates of anxiety, depression, and burnout. The Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q), developed in 2019, provides a validated tool for measuring these behaviors. This assessment captures the internal experience of camouflaging rather than relying on external observations alone.

Studies indicate that camouflaging requires significant cognitive resources. The mental energy devoted to monitoring behavior, analyzing social cues, and adjusting natural responses creates additional load on the nervous system. When this effort becomes constant and automatic—without breaks or conscious choice—it may contribute to the higher rates of mental health challenges observed in neurodivergent populations.

While camouflaging appears across all demographics, research suggests it occurs more frequently among women, BIPOC individuals, and gender-diverse people. Social conditioning, safety concerns, and the intersection of multiple marginalized identities may increase the pressure to adapt authentic traits and conform to dominant cultural expectations.

The Three Components of Camouflaging

1 - Compensation: Learning Social Patterns

Compensation involves actively studying and learning social behaviors that don't come naturally. This might look like observing how others respond in conversations, cataloging phrases and expressions, or preparing for social interactions. Many people describe keeping a mental library of appropriate responses for different situations.

Common compensation strategies include:

• Creating mental scripts for anticipated conversations and social situations

• Watching others to learn expected social behaviors and responses

• Practicing facial expressions and body language before interactions

• Adopting phrases and mannerisms observed in media or from trusted individuals

• Researching social conventions to better navigate unfamiliar situations

2 - Masking: Adjusting Natural Traits

Masking involves actively suppressing or modifying behaviors, movements, or responses that feel natural. This might include restraining stimming behaviors, adjusting eye contact patterns, or inhibiting spontaneous expressions of emotion or interest. The effort of suppression requires ongoing self-monitoring.

Many people develop an internal observer that continuously evaluates their behavior against social expectations. This self-monitoring system notices behaviors that might seem unusual to others. While this awareness may help navigate certain situations, it also creates significant cognitive and emotional load when it becomes constant.

3 - Assimilation: Performing Connection

Assimilation involves engaging in social behaviors that feel performative or effortful. This might manifest as participating in small talk, showing interest in topics that don't genuinely engage you, or taking on specific roles in social settings that provide structure. People often describe social situations feeling like performances rather than spontaneous exchanges.

Common experiences of assimilation include feeling unable to be fully oneself around others, relying on the presence of trusted individuals to navigate social situations, and developing strategies to manage overwhelming social demands while still appearing engaged.

A More Nuanced View: Camouflaging as a Tool

Here's what often gets lost in conversations about masking: adaptation isn't inherently harmful. The goal isn't to eliminate all camouflaging or to unmask in every situation. That approach simply replaces one rigid expectation with another.

Humans naturally adjust their behavior across different contexts. We speak differently to a toddler than to a colleague. We modulate our energy at a funeral versus a celebration. We adapt our communication style when speaking with someone who processes information differently than we do. This flexibility represents social awareness and care for others—not self-betrayal.

The distinction lies between conscious, strategic adaptation and chronic, automatic camouflaging.

When Adaptation Serves You

Camouflaging may be a valuable tool when:

• Safety requires it. Some environments genuinely aren't safe for full authentic expression. Recognizing this reality isn't failure—it's wisdom.

• You're caring for others' needs. Slowing your speech when talking with an elderly person, simplifying language for a child, or adjusting sensory input when visiting someone overwhelmed—these adaptations emerge from genuine care, not self-erasure.

• Strategic goals matter to you. A job interview, an important presentation, or navigating a bureaucratic system might warrant temporary, conscious adaptation in service of outcomes you genuinely want.

• You're code-switching intentionally. For many BIPOC individuals and others navigating multiple cultural contexts, code-switching represents cultural competency and strategic navigation—not necessarily internalized oppression.

• The situation is temporary and bounded. Brief adaptation with built-in recovery time differs fundamentally from constant, unrelenting performance.

• You choose it consciously. The key word is choice. When you decide to adapt based on your own assessment of the situation, you maintain agency.

When Camouflaging Becomes Costly

Camouflaging may be depleting you when:

• It happens automatically without awareness. You don't realize you're doing it until you're exhausted.

• There's no recovery time. You move from one masking situation to the next without breaks.

• You've lost track of authentic preferences. You're unsure what you actually enjoy versus what you've learned to perform.

• It occurs in relationships that should feel safe. You can't relax even with close friends or family.

• Physical symptoms appear. Chronic fatigue, burnout, anxiety, or depression may signal that adaptation has become unsustainable.

• You feel like a fraud. A persistent sense that people don't know the "real" you can indicate over-reliance on camouflaging.

The Cost of Chronic, Unconscious Camouflaging

When camouflaging becomes constant and automatic, it takes a significant toll on wellbeing. The internal conflict between endless conformity and the need for authentic self-expression creates ongoing stress. Research has documented connections between high levels of chronic camouflaging and increased rates of depression, anxiety, and burnout.

The exhaustion from constant camouflaging often surprises people who haven't recognized the phenomenon in themselves. What might appear to be simple social interaction actually requires immense cognitive resources—analyzing cues, suppressing natural responses, monitoring performance, and adjusting in real-time. This invisible labor depletes energy reserves in ways that can feel mysterious until understood.

Perhaps most significantly, prolonged unconscious camouflaging can erode sense of identity. When someone spends years adapting their behavior without awareness or choice, distinguishing authentic preferences from performed ones becomes challenging. This disconnection from self can contribute to depression, identity confusion, and difficulty knowing what genuinely brings fulfillment.

Moving Toward Informed Choice

The goal isn't "always mask" or "never mask"—it's developing the awareness to choose consciously. This means building the self-knowledge to recognize when you're camouflaging, assess whether it's serving you in that moment, and make intentional decisions about how you want to show up.

Questions for Self-Reflection

Consider exploring these questions:

• In which situations does camouflaging feel like a conscious choice that serves my goals or values?

• Where might I be camouflaging automatically, without awareness or intention?

• Which environments feel safe enough for more authentic expression?

• What natural traits have I suppressed that might actually enrich my life and relationships?

• Am I building adequate recovery time into my schedule after high-adaptation situations?

• Do I have relationships where I can practice being more fully myself?

Building Your Adaptive Toolkit

Rather than eliminating camouflaging entirely, consider developing a more intentional relationship with it:

• Increase awareness. Notice when you're adapting and what triggers automatic camouflaging.

• Assess the context. Ask yourself: Is adaptation serving me here? Is it necessary? Is it my choice?

• Identify safe spaces. Cultivate relationships and environments where you can practice authentic expression.

• Build in recovery. After high-camouflaging situations, create time and space to decompress.

• Reconnect with preferences. Explore what you genuinely enjoy versus what you've learned to perform.

• Practice gradual authenticity. In safe relationships, experiment with small moments of unmasking.

Honoring the Complexity

Your nervous system developed these adaptive strategies for good reasons. Camouflaging often emerges as an intelligent response to environments that didn't accommodate your authentic way of being. These strategies have likely helped you navigate challenging situations, access opportunities, and maintain important relationships.

The path forward isn't about rejecting these adaptations wholesale. It's about developing enough self-awareness to use them consciously—as tools you choose to employ rather than automatic responses that run without your input.

Some situations may genuinely call for adaptation. Others may offer more freedom than you've allowed yourself to claim. The wisdom lies in developing the discernment to know the difference and the self-compassion to honor whatever choice you make in each moment.

You may find it helpful to discuss these patterns with a neurodiversity-affirming and trauma-informed therapist who can support your exploration.

At Bridge Family Therapy, we provide neurodiversity-affirming support for individuals exploring the balance between authentic expression and strategic adaptation. Our therapists understand the complexity of navigating a world with different expectations while honoring your genuine self.

To learn more about our services or schedule a consultation, please contact us.

Self-Assessment Tool

Interested in exploring your own camouflaging patterns?

The Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q) is a validated self-report measure that assesses camouflaging behaviors across three domains: compensation, masking, and assimilation. The questionnaire takes approximately 10-15 minutes to complete and provides scores that can help you understand your patterns.

Take the CAT-Q online (free):

• Embrace Autism CAT-Q — Includes auto-scoring and detailed interpretation guide

• Prosper Health CAT-Q — Interactive version with context about results

Note: The CAT-Q is a screening tool, not a diagnostic instrument. High scores may reflect camouflaging related to neurodivergence, social anxiety, or other factors. Consider discussing your results with a neurodiversity-affirming clinician.

Additional Resources

Understanding Camouflaging

• Neurodivergent Insights: Autism Masking Explained — Dr. Megan Anna Neff's comprehensive overview

• National Autistic Society: Masking — Research summaries and lived experience perspectives

• Embrace Autism: Interpreting Your CAT-Q Scores — Detailed breakdown of what scores mean

Burnout and Recovery

• Neurodivergent Insights: Autism and ADHD Burnout Recovery — Signs, contributors, and recovery strategies

• Neurodivergent Insights: Autistic Burnout — How burnout differs from depression and general exhaustion

Intersectionality and Code-Switching

• Psychology Today: The Strain of Masking — Workplace implications and strategies for employers

References

Hull, L., Mandy, W., Lai, M.-C., Baron-Cohen, S., Allison, C., Smith, P., & Petrides, K. V. (2019). Development and validation of the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q). Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 49(3), 819–833. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-018-3792-6

Hull, L., Petrides, K. V., Allison, C., Smith, P., Baron-Cohen, S., Lai, M.-C., & Mandy, W. (2017). "Putting on my best normal": Social camouflaging in adults with autism spectrum conditions. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 47(8), 2519–2534.

Pearson, A., & Rose, K. (2021). "Masking is life": Experiences of masking in autistic and nonautistic adults. Autism in Adulthood, 3(4), 330–338. https://doi.org/10.1089/aut.2020.0083

Raymaker, D. M., Teo, A. R., Steckler, N. A., Lenber, B., Scharer, M., Delos Santos, A., Kapp, S. K., Hunter, M., Joyce, A., & Nicolaidis, C. (2020). "Having all of your internal resources exhausted beyond measure and being left with no clean-up crew": Defining autistic burnout. Autism in Adulthood, 2(2), 132–143.

Neff, M. A. (2023). Autism masking explained: What it is, why it happens, and what to do. Neurodivergent Insights. https://neurodivergentinsights.com/what-is-masking-in-autism/